Her Tug on My Wrist: A Hint to Love Intentionally
Reflections on Loving Intentionally
Yesterday, Sherrie mentioned something to me that I found... curious.
We tied the knot in 1997, and in all these years of marriage, I don’t recall hearing her be this direct about this particular topic. The story goes like this:
A Timeless Reminder from Young Love
We recently moved one of our sons, four hours away to begin college.
He’s a bright, attractive man with good morals, a level head, and a fun personality. It appears he has a promising future ahead of him—and, well, it seems women think so too.
Honestly, it surprised us a little just how proactive some of the women have been in pursuing.
While we were talking, Sherrie turned to me and said something along the lines of, “I like it when you do the pursuing.” She told me she appreciates it when I take the lead—when I’m intentional and actively pursuing her.
While expressing her thoughts, she grabbed my wrist gently, gave a little tug, and tilted her head with that “Come on...” motion. A silent invitation. One that said:
“I love it when you take the lead when it comes to us.”
Things like planning dates, being sensitive, affectionate, maybe pick up some flowers for her.
And that got me thinking.
What’s a Husband to Do With That?
That simple gesture—her tugging on my wrist—was a loving prompt. It was a reminder. A message. A call to love more intentionally.
A few months ago, Sherrie sent me a “WhenYou” message. It said something like:
“I feel loved when you give me a hug and a kiss in the morning before you go to work.”
Really? Something that simple fills her with love?
It seems easy enough. And since she told me that, I’ve made a deliberate effort to do it every day. Except…
What about the mornings after we’ve gone to bed a little... scratchy?
You know what I mean. A disagreement. A conversation that didn’t go so well. Some emotional distance.
Now it’s morning. I’m heading out the door. And it’s that moment—the hug and kiss moment.
Pride might whisper:
“The conversation last night—not great. Hug her? Nah, still too awkard. Next time…”
But love, humility, and forgiveness say:
“She loves a hug goodbye. It’s right. Get over the scratchy conversation. Hug her goodbye.”
So, what should I do in that moment?
What do you do in that moment when you know you can connect in a meaningful way with your sweetheart?
Intentional Love in Real Life
This much I’ve learned:
If we’ve gone to bed feeling off, and I still give her that warm, meaningful goodbye hug the next morning—it closes the gap.
It says without words:
“I appologize. I love you. Let’s start fresh.”
Marriage is fun.
Marriage is revealing.
Marriage is challenging—and refining.
Marriage, when approached with love and intention, can bring out the best in us.
Every day offers a choice:
To do the little things that mean the most.
To lean into our sweetheart.
To forgive and move on.
To love intentionally.
Because I’m Learning What Makes Her Happy…
And once I know what makes her smile inside, I want to get better at doing those things—again and again.
Here’s what that looks like for me:
When there’s a full moon, let’s go for a walk under the stars.
When you’re asleep, and I leave for work, I’ll whisper “I love you,” and seal it with a hug.
When you ask me to go to a wedding reception, I’ll shower and shave, put on deodorant, iron that shirt you love, and linger near you at the reception—even when your friend conversation is taking much longer than I anticipated. 😉
Why?
Because that’s something that makes her happy.
And she’s doing the same for me.
She knows I love hugs—long, intentional, heart-to-heart hugs.
When I’ve had a rough day, a warm squeeze from her settles my spirit. It heals, it energizes, it calms. More than words, or anything I can imagine, her hug helps restore me.
The Art of Loving Intentionally
Isn’t that what love is about?
Learning—and doing—the things that make our partner feel seen, safe, cherished.
So I’m leaning into this idea:
What happens over time when two people choose consistent, loving reciprocity?
When we both learn what fills the other with peace, joy, and a deep sense of being loved—and then freely offer it?
I’m not completely sure where that leads, but something inside tells me that lintentional loving will gently meander a couple to a very beautiful relationship place.
I’m going to make plans—some simple, some extravagant. Plans that answer her little tug on my wrist, in loving, intentional ways:
“Come on, let’s go.”
We’ll see what I learn.
We’ll see what we do.
We’ll see how it goes.
See the Good. Share Consistently. Love Intentionally.
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With WhenYou, you can:
Discover the little things you do that your partner truly loves
Share the good you notice in each other, in thoughtful and meaningful ways
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