Hug More: The Simple, Powerful Way to Reconnect
Ponder for a moment:
When was a time you received a warm, intentional, and long hug from your sweetheart?
You know the one.
The hug you weren’t really expecting.
The one that came out of nowhere.
The hug that kinda gave you that deep-breath, restorative kind of feeling?
I experienced that the other day. The story looked like this:
A Sunday Kind of Hug
It was Sunday. As committed Christians, Sundays are typically a day of rest for us.
And by "rest," I mean we try to focus on spiritual and family things. We go to church. We eat nice meals together. We go for country or mountain or ocean walks. Some of us play Legos, others read a book, nap, or just chat. It's nice.
This particular Sunday was all of that—but a little different.
There was an emotional cloud hanging over the day: unsettling news of church shootings, potential hurricanes, wars, and political discontent.
By the end of our so-called "day of rest," I felt tired. The little one was asleep. The house was quiet. My soul was just… a little heavy.
I was lying on the couch, unwinding in my usual way with an orange cream sparkling water and a beloved Bob Ross episode on YouTube. About that time, Sherrie came from the back of the house, sat down next to me with a blanket, and then—she just tipped over and hugged me.
And she stayed there.
A long time.
No rush.
No expectations.
No words.
Just a long, warm, deliberate hug.
Was it five minutes? Ten? I don’t know.
But what I do know is that immediately I could feel something shift: my soul was recharging, rebuilding, unwinding, relaxing, breathing, calming, coming alive… refreshing.
All the things.
It was amazing. Inspiring. A little mysterious, even.
And one thought gently bubbled up:
"You still like me."
What a reassuring thing to feel.
Why Was That Hug So Powerful?
She said nothing.
And yet… so much was heard and understood.
According to research, hugs release serotonin—the "feel-good" hormone—and oxytocin, known as the “cuddle” or “love” hormone. Scientists link both to increased happiness and reduced stress.
That's a pretty powerful combo.
I mean, really—what a simple, science-backed way for couples to:
Increase happiness
Elevate mood
Reduce stress
And feel more connected
Hugging is like a double shot of positivity that every marriage could benefit from.
In fact, studies suggest that marriages last longer when couples hug more often.
Seems like a no-brainer to me.
Family Hugs: Warm, Calming, Family Hugs
Let’s talk about hugging teenagers.
Is it easy? Not always.
I was headed to the airport early one morning for a business trip. I wanted to give each of the kids a quick hug before I left. I started with the youngest—hug, kiss on the cheek. No response. Still sleeping.
I moved down the hall, one-by-one, giving out hugs. Again, no response.
Then I got to our teenage son—maybe 17 at the time. Hugging this burly teenager, showing affection, felt a little awkward for me as a dad. Why? Maybe it's a guy thing. I don't know.
But I did it.
I hugged him and told him I was heading out for a few days and that I love him.
That’s when he put his muscly arm around my neck… and held on. For much longer than I was expecting.
“Love you too, Dad.”
Fast Forward: A Hug That Said More Than Words
Quite recently, we had a little discussion with our now 18-year-old son. There were some opinions tossed around—not a blow-up, but enough to leave some lingering feelings.
Afterwards, I was about to walk past his bedroom when a thought hit me:
"Give him a hug."
Ooof. Right now?
I wandered in. He was getting ready for bed. No shirt. Grown-up. Tough guy.
Not ideal timing. As I shuffled toward him he gave me a curious, “What are you doing?”, glance.
But I went for it anyway.
I gave him a hug and said nothing.
After a moment he said quietly, "I'm trying, Dad."
I felt his scratchy whiskers against my cheek. When did that happen?
He held on—good and long and strong. A senior in high school, fresh from a two-hour gym session.
Kinda tough. Definitely tender.
That hug did more, I think, than any hour-long exchange of opinions ever could.
The Timing of a Hug…
Some hugs are expected.
When reuniting.
When saying goodbye.
When someone’s crying.
Those hugs are great. Necessary, even.
But what about the hug that comes out of nowhere?
Those unexpected hugs—especially from my wife—fill my soul in ways I can’t fully explain. They convince me the scientific research is right:
Hugs heal. Hugs restore.
It just makes sense that we’d hug more, especially the people we love the most.
Hugs Are Easier. Maybe.
Some things in life are just plain hard.
Some conversations? Difficult.
Saying “I love you”? For some can be vulnerable.
But offering a well-meaning, well-timed hug?
That, I can do.
Because a hug speaks love—even when words fail.
A hug volunteers love.
For the Brave
I want to try something.
Next time I feel an emotional conversation coming on with Sherrie or one of my kids, I’m just going to give them a hug.
Kind of random.
Definitely out-of-the-blue.
Might be a shock.
But let’s see what happens.
A WhenYou Moment
A few weeks ago, I sent my sweetheart a WhenYou love note. The note prompt started with,
“I feel loved when you…”
I completed it with:
“I feel loved when you hug me. Long, slow, intentional hugs. Lots of them.”
Maybe that’s why she freely offered such a powerful hug that Sunday.
Or maybe she needed one, too.
Whatever the reason—we were better for it.
So consider this: Think about your day. Today. What opportunity will you take to place a well-timed, long, sincere, healing hug? For your spouse and lover? For your teenager? For your little one? When will it be?
Find that moment. It is wonderful for them. It is equally healing for you. Go and hug your loved ones.
Why We Built WhenYou
We created the WhenYou app to inspire meaningful communication between long-term, committed couples. In a sense, we created WhenYou as a way to offer hugs, through meaningful words. Call it love notes. Call it, “hug notes.” Call it warm and cozy for your most important relationship.
It’s a private space where you’re gently prompted to share how love is being created between you.
What are you doing that fills your sweetheart with love?
What does your person do that fills you with love?
Think about it.
Share it.
Talk about it.
It’s fun, honest, and it brings couples closer—without pressure.
📲 Download the WhenYou app for free:
Google Play Store
Apple App Store
Hug more. Hug more. Hug more.
Sources:
What Are the Benefits of Hugging?
Hug Therapy