The Power of “Thank You” in Marriage
As I was doing my best to exercise at the gym yesterday, I noticed a marker board sign by the exit that says, “What are you thankful for? ‘Tis the season to be thankful.”
“Very true,” I pondered, amidst my weight routine. At some point I paused to snap a picure of the sign. Indeed it is the season to be thankful, and, what happens if I intentially observe to look for things I’m thankful for, each day? Particularly in my marriage?
“Thank you.” It’s a short phrase that easily rolls off my tongue with a restaurant waitress or a co-worker. But do I express it as abundantly—and as intentionally—with Sherrie, the most important person in my life?
A Thanksgiving Moment That Made Me Pause
Yesterday we had an early Thanksgiving gathering with my parents and siblings. From the outside, it looked like a typical holiday get-together.
That morning, Sherrie said—with a tone I recognized as intentional—
“I need your help with a project.”
Immediately, my mind went to household scenarios like:
paint the house, remodel the bathroom, clean the shed…all of those honey-do type projects.
“Okay,” I said. “What’s it going to be?”
“I need you to dice an onion for the stuffing I’m making.”
Suddenly, the task seemed very doable—especially since onions cause bothersome allergic reactions for her. So, I diced the onion and cleaned up behind her as she methodically moved around the kitchen. Later that day, her stuffing turned out perfectly.
As I sat at the dinner table beside her, full of Thanksgiving goodness, a familiar inner voice nudged me:
“The stuffing - tell her it turned out great.”
That Little Voice Matters
I believe we all hear that voice, especially in our most important relationships. Call it the “still small voice,” or the Holy Spirit, as the Bible mentions. Call it intuition, the little angel on your shoulder or the universe nudging you along. Whatever we call it, I have found that it is there to bump us in the right direction.
The real question is:
Do we act on it?
Do we follow the nudge to say something kind?
Do we express gratitude when the moment arises?
Do we tell our spouse their effort mattered?
Gratitude Inspires Loving Action
A few weeks ago, we spent a long weekend at Yellowstone National Park—a family favorite. With about ten of us rotating meals and cleanup, I often found myself in the kitchen. I’m not a super-social man, so getting my hands in the dishwater or cutting up chicken helps me settle into a social setting.
One evening, while I was lying in bed, Sherrie came and sat beside me. She put her hand on my arm and said, with genuine warmth:
“Thank you for looking for ways to be helpful.”
I’m still processing how that made me feel: recognized, appreciated, valued… and maybe a little bashful. This much I know: her intentional expression of gratitude gives me quiet motivation to continue looking to find and do things that make her happy.
It stuck with me so much that weeks later, I wrote her a WhenYou love note about it (typos included… big thumbs, no readers).
“Thank you for noticing my efforts.” -Everyone-
Gratitude Strengthens Long-Term Love
When Sherrie and I were dating in our 20s, we spent two years apart while I served a volunteer mission. We wrote weekly letters—because that’s what you did in the 90s—and I don’t remember us missing a week. Every letter was full of gratitude, love, encouragement, and hope.
Fast forward almost 30 years:
Are we still expressing gratitude and affection with that same consistency?
In long-term relationships, acts of kindness happen constantly—but only if we’re looking do we truly see them.
Are we noticing the good?
Are we appreciating the effort?
Are we expressing gratitude with intention?
My hope is that after more than 30 years together, Sherrie and I continue to recognize the good we do for each other and express sincere appreciation often and abundantly. My hunch is, I can do better.
Closer Everyday
So yes—I leaned over to Sherrie at the Thanksgiving table and said:
“Your stuffing turned out really good.”
She smiled, said “Thank you,” and our hands found each other under the table.
I’m still learning.
And maybe that’s the point.
About WhenYou
WhenYou is a couples app designed to strengthen your relationship through daily connection, gratitude, and small acts of love. Whether you’re building a new habit of appreciation or looking for meaningful ways to stay emotionally close, WhenYou helps you share heartfelt notes, celebrate the good, and nurture a more intentional, loving marriage.
Download the WhenYou app:
App Store | Google Play