Rediscovering Connection: How Shared Hobbies Strengthen Relationships
Rediscovering Connection Through Shared Experiences
Relationships often begin with discovery. When we first meet someone we love, almost everything feels exciting — conversations, adventures, even ordinary moments. We enjoy simply being together.
Then life happens.
Careers grow demanding. Children arrive. Homes, schedules, responsibilities, and routines slowly fill our days. And while love remains, it’s surprisingly easy for couples to drift into parallel lives instead of shared ones.
Not from lack of love — just lack of intentional connection.
The Reality of Long-Term Relationships
After nearly three decades of marriage, I’ve learned something important:
Our relationship doesn’t drift apart because we stop loving each other.
We feel disconnected because we stop doing life together.
We each develop hobbies, interests, routines, and comfort zones. Some of these interests overlap with our spouse, many don’t. That’s normal — even healthy. But when shared experiences disappear entirely, diminishing emotional connection often follows.
And sometimes, reconnecting starts with something very simple.
A Moment That
Reminded Me
“Sometimes connection isn’t about new places — it’s about rediscovering each other in them.”
Recently, my wife and I spent a week with friends on Hawaii’s Big Island. I love golf. She never really has.
Over the years I’d invited her to join me, but she always felt hesitant — unsure of her skills, worried she wouldn’t enjoy it, not wanting to feel out of place.
On this trip (maybe trying to be a good sport) she agreed to come along just to ride in the cart and enjoy the scenery. Ocean views, sunshine, a chance to work on her tan, good friends — who could blame her?
But something unexpected happened.
Other women in our group decided to play, so she took the chance and rented some clubs. No pressure. No expectations. Just fun.
And you know what? She liked it.
As the round went on, she relaxed, laughed, learned, and fully leaned into the experience - the good shots and the duffs. Meanwhile, I found myself so happy and smiling inside.
I couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be — riding in a golf cart beside this beautiful woman I’ve loved for 30 years, overlooking the ocean, sharing something new together.
I just felt connected to her.
Not because of golf.
Because of being together, just enjoying each other.
Why Shared Activities Matter
Trying each other’s hobbies does a few powerful things:
It communicates interest in your partner’s world.
It creates fresh memories (which relationships thrive on).
It breaks routine — one of the biggest connection killers.
It often leads to unexpected shared passions.
You don’t have to love everything your partner loves.
But showing up matters.
And sometimes — surprisingly often — you discover you actually enjoy it too.
The Reverse Side
This experience challenged me as well.
There are things she enjoys that I’ve been hesitant about. I can lean into her world more often, too. She sings in our church choir and loves it when I join her. Gulp — that’s real. (I’m writing this as she just left for choir practice… without me.) I can agreeably join her more often.
That’s how relationships stay alive — mutual curiosity, shared growth, and willingness to try.
A Simple Invitation
If you feel a little disconnected:
Try something your partner enjoys.
No pressure.
No expectations.
Just presence.
You might find a new hobby.
You’ll definitely strengthen your connection.
And occasionally, you’ll create moments you’ll never forget.
Keep the Connection Going
That simple golf day reminded us how powerful shared experiences can be. If you want help creating more of those moments, WhenYou was designed to make it easier.
Download WhenYou on the App Store.
Download on the Play Store.